A Jewish Knight

During one of his many trips to London, George Burns became friends with a very wealthy, yet very modest, Jewish chap named Hyman Goldfarb.

On one visit, Hy told George that because of his large donations to charities through the years, the queen wanted to knight him, but he was going to turn it down. "That's a great honor," George said. "Why would you turn it down?" "Because during the ceremony you have to say something in Latin," he said. "And I don't wish to bother studying Latin just for that."

"So say something in Hebrew. The queen wouldn't know the difference." "Brilliant," Hy complimented him, "but what should I say?" "Remember that question the son asks the father on the first night of Passover? Can you say that in Hebrew?"

"Of course," he said. "Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh. Thank you, old sport, I shall become a knight."

At the ceremony Hy waited his turn while several of the other honorees went before the queen. Finally they called his name. He knelt before Her Majesty, she placed her sword on one shoulder and then on the other, and motioned for Hy to speak. Out came "Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh."

The queen turned to her husband and said, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"

Texas rancher visits kibbutz

A Texas rancher visits a kibbutz farm in Israel. After he is shown all the agricultural advances, he tells the Sabra: "I'm real impressed with your farm here, but where I come from, I can drive all day and not reach the other end of my ranch." The Sabra replies: "I know how you feel. I once had a car like that too!"

The Jewish car of the future

In the future, a rabbi makes a car. This car doesn't run on fuel, it runs on judaic belief. And to start this car you must say "Baruch Hashem" (Praise g-d), the faster you say it the faster the car goes. And the word to stop the car is "Amen".

So one day, a very spacey college student gets into his car and starts chanting "Baruch hashem, baruch hashem, baruch hashem..." the car speeds up and gets faster and faster. Soon the student realizes that he is heading towards a cliff, he desperatley struggles to remember the word and finally remembers. The second before he goes off, he says "Amen!" and the car stops.

He sighs in relief, and says "Baruch hashem"...